I find myself getting angry with certain people a lot , and then feeling guilty about how I am behaving towards that person.
In our culture now , You are not supposed to get angry. "Its wrong " ....apparently ? At least that's how we are made to feel . In the post modern context - "its wrong" and "you must not do it" .
Clearly this latest talk is avoidance therapy; Politically correct quickfix
Sure its not nice, but neither is the washing up.
After all if your mother didn't get angry , you wouldn't realise she was seriuos about what you promised you would do after 10 nice requests . Poor mum's, I am sure they don't want to get angry!!
And why should dad's now get off scot free !!!! Sounding like little angels with the darlings ! If anger is just "sat on" , maybe the final explosion only gets bigger?
Helpfully - A few decades ago anger was , at least - talked about . It was part of life . Part of something to be managed - dealt with . "Don't let the Sun go down on your anger" ."Be Quick to listen , slow to speak and slow to get angry" .
So once its up , maybe its got more purpose '.
Some of us also know anger as the thing that gets things done( i didn' say it was the best way, but i did not say it was a wrong way either!)
Anger, is after all at its base, often a natural emotional response to a threat --a provocation. The punches in the fight in the film Prince Caspian were started by a prince because of soemthing that was said . Is the punch wrong ...or the words wrong?. Our legal system ( thank God its a bit behind the times sometimes) says its just as wrong to say it as to smack it .
The good book is also clear; the problem is not just something labelled anger, but what we do when we are angry - whether we sit on it shelve it or use it to fight well. Its not only our instincts we have to tame but our tongues and our tendency to keep score sheets . To say "no anger ever " is to suggest we should all live in small houses alone .
Another thing about anger is that it tends to breed anger in those who " didn't start it" - so how is it then 'wrong" of one to start and not wrong to feel it ? .
The wannbeflat world is too simple - too unnatural . If there are bears out there wanting to be bears, we need to talk to em !
For me too there are times when the anger is the reason I say what i really think and so it provides the possibility that the truth comes out" .
If there was no anger in our house , there would often be no reconciliation .No dealing with pain and hurt on both sides . No hugs No fun
So what do we do though , when we are really depressed . In a hole we can't get out of . When we've lost something we really loved ; When we are rightly grieving over a loss , or just when we feel trapped; really tired , or whatever. The effects of unjustifiable anger and moody manners can spread around the house as quick as cats poo ---making us all feel worse and more angry inside.
As long as its still OK to be angry - I'm still angry and i'm going to use that anger to get me to clean up , throw the cat out and TRY to enjoy the whole experience !
The best thing ( and there are not many best things) about grieving is that it gets a bit easier with each recurrence. Depression , fear and anger still come back , but the fights you have with them seem to bring something new and special into your life and your relationships.( My story of losing a career i loved)
Noone really misses out you know . Getting older means you will grieve .Everyone is affected every day . Grieve well and you will see good gifts still keep coming; grieve poorly and you be more of a grump than you even you you could bear .
What do you think ?
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